I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
