exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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