No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
