Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
