Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
