JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
