It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
