Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
