I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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