i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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