i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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