I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
