I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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