Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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