george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
