In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
