i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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