I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
