I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
