eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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