I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
