apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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