He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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