my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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