Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
