Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
