Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You pole danced in your parka.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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