Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
