i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
