i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
