bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
