My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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