I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
