I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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