I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
