3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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