Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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