I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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