you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
