i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize