I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
