Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
