onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
