How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
