Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
