Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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