they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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