do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
