We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
