she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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