We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
