I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
barbara walters just said penis...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize