did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
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