dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
