Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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