I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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