we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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