I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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