You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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