I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
