Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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