He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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