I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
