Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
