I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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