oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
