i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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