im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
