smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
