I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
