dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
