Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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