If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The adults are the big ones right?
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