Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
