well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So vagazzling was a success
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
