Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize