who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
